So you have been hanging out for a couple of months now and everything seems to be running smoothly. You both enjoy each other’s company, you are having fun dates, and the sex is off the charts. But when it comes to defining what you are, she keeps changing the topic. No matter how often you broach the subject, she doesn’t want a bar of it. This is the first of many telltale signs she doesn’t want a relationship with you. While she could just be hesitant to make things serious, it is more likely she has no intention of getting serious at all.
Or maybe she is giving off a strange vibe when you hang out. She appears happy to be spending time with you, but there is something that just doesn’t feel right and you are not sure what is up.
If any of these apply to your current relationship, you might be in a situationship, stuck between being friends and lovers.
It is during this time of uncertainty when things can go either way that you might be thinking to yourself how keen she really is. It might not seem like she is giving anything away, but there are a number of signs you can pick up on that flag her as someone who does not want a relationship with you.
To make sure you know where you stand, here are 15 signs to look for that show she doesn’t want a relationship with you.
1. Lack of Physically Affection
During the honeymoon period of any coupling, things are usually hot and heavy. When you are head over heels for someone you are always touching each other, kissing, and generally disgusting others with your public displays of affection. This often dissipates over time, but if you find your partner has suddenly stopped being affectionate then you could be heading for trouble.
If you try holding her hand or put an arm around her and she pulls away or doesn’t reciprocate, this is a sign she might not be that into you anymore. This is even more troubling if she starts refusing sex or appears to be going through the motions while you are getting it on.
Speaking with The Narcissistic Life, Rachel Sommer, Ph.D. and clinical sexologist said, “Physical connection is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship, only after positive communication. And when a partner is drifting away, they’ll cut off intimacy and any form of touch. Everything from the long and warm hugs to the lovely cuddles or kisses–they all become forced.”
2. There Is No Talk of the Future
Life goes pretty quick so it only makes sense that you want to plan things for your future. This is especially the case when in a relationship with someone. Even if you are in the early stages, there is no doubt you will talk about doing things together in the future. This might just be planning your next date or organizing a catch-up with friends, but eventually, the talk will center around where you see things going long term and discussions about marriage, kids, and living together will happen.
If your lady friend has no desire to talk about these things, or worse, gets annoyed when you bring them up, that is not good news. A woman that wants these will be invested in you and want to know everything about you and what you want from life. If the opposite is happening with your lady and you don’t sense any urgency in her, she most likely doesn’t want these things from you.
3. She Isn’t Invested in Your Life
You think it would be easy to tell if someone really likes you, but it is easy to get caught up in the initial feelings of love and lust. You might find yourself spilling your guts to her about your life and all the highs and lows you have been through and then get little in return from her. She seems to be happy to listen but doesn’t offer much in the way of her own opinion or discuss similar experiences she has been through.
Ask yourself if she is genuinely interested in what you are saying or if she is just nodding along to keep the conversation going to stop any awkward silences. Does she follow up on small details you tell her? Does she remember to ask after your sick Grandma the next time you see her? How about that promotion at work? Did she remember to ask you about it?
If she shows no sign of wanting to be actively involved in your life you have to ask what is she bringing to the table? Maybe she is happy just to have someone to catch up with once a week to let her sexual frustrations out on? This is not the sign of someone who wants a relationship and more of a friend with benefits type scenario.
4. She Is Closed Off
Following on from the previous red flag, if she isn’t willing to open up to you about her life and discuss her trials and tribulations, she might not be the woman for you. Forming an emotional connection involves you both being vulnerable and letting your guard down. Someone who isn’t willing to share the more private aspects of their life and is only content to talk about trivial things is not open to forming a connection on a deeper level.
This can often make her come off as self-centered or cold, but this might not be the truth. It is just a case of her not liking you enough to want to delve deeper into each other’s lives.
5. She Talks About Other Guys
This one is like a dagger to the heart. If you have been hanging out regularly and seemingly are getting along like a house on fire, you would be inclined to think things are going well. But this can all come crashing down if she begins talking about other guys. Maybe she mentions the muscle gym bro who keeps chatting her up or the hot guy at work she has an eye on. Even worse is if she mentions going on a date with another guy.
Sorry to say that if there is any mention of other guys you are not part of her dating plans moving forward. This can be heartbreaking if the two of you have been sexually active and she is talking about being with other men. In today’s world of dating where the lines are often blurred and it is hard to tell what type of situations you are in, it makes it even more imperative that you discuss this sooner rather than later.
6. You Are the One Doing All the Chasing
Part of the thrill of any kind of new relationship is the chase. That period where you are constantly talking and messaging. Finding out as much as you can about each other before things progress to the next level. This is a two-way street in any normal and healthy relationship, but if it seems to be all one-way traffic from your end, you might need to check yourself.
If it is you who is always texting and organizing to catch up, then she probably isn’t as keen as you thought she was. Any form of relationship involves both partners communicating and compromising, so if it just seems to be you doing all the heavy lifting, you have to ask yourself if it is worth the hurt that could be coming.
7. She Is Flakey
Flakey people are the worst. If you make plans to do something with someone then you should fulfill this obligation The only time it is fair to bail on a date is if you are sick or there is a family emergency. Saying you just don’t feel like it is not a solid reason to break plans.
Being flakey is a common sign of someone who is not that keen on you. If you keep messaging her and trying to organize a date and she hits you with the “maybe” or “let me get back to you,” there isn’t much hope you two will actually catch up at all. It is even worse when you do make a time to meet and she hits you up a few hours before telling you “something has come up.” If this is a common occurrence it is time to cut your losses and move on. Your time is precious and there is no point wasting it on someone who isn’t respecting you.
8. She Is Hot and Cold
It can be very confusing to know what she wants if she acts hot and cold. One minute she is texting you all the time and super keen to meet up. The next you can’t get a message back from her until four hours later and it is nothing more than a few words. Uninterested women often run hot and cold. They are hot when they need a bit of an ego boost, knowing you will text with them or grab a drink. Then suddenly you won’t hear from them for hours or possibly days as they get on with their life without giving you a second thought.
This can be quite debilitating mentally and emotionally and is not a good place to be in. Don’t let her manipulate you like this and bring this up next time you catch up or try and call her and discuss. If she gives you nothing and stars acting cold, goodbye Felicia.
9. The Connection Is Purely Physical
The majority of guys would dream of this type of relationship. Catch up, have sex, go home. But most of us are also after a loving partner we can face the future with together. Who doesn’t want someone you not only sleep with but are also your best friend and someone you can have open and honest dialogue with about your feelings and life goals?
Unfortunately, if your girl only seems to be interested in the sex part, she probably isn’t in it for the long haul. Don’t get me wrong, sex is great and I love it as much as the next person, but if you are after a real relationship with someone who exhibits this type of behavior, you are barking up the wrong tree. If she doesn’t want to go on dates or meet your parents and is only happy when you come around and get it on, I’m afraid to say she just isn’t that interested in a connection.
There is nothing wrong with her wanting to find someone for a purely sexual relationship, in fact, it is only natural. But if you are not on the same page then you will have to re-evaluate things and put your needs to the forefront.
10. She Still Loves Her Ex
If she is still hung up on her ex there is not much you will be able to do to change that. She won’t be able to invest in you if she still has feelings for another man. The most obvious way you can tell this is if she talks about her ex. Not just the odd mention here or there, but if with every conversation or text message she finds a way to insert her ex, she is obviously not over him.
This means you are most likely a rebound and not someone she is looking at investing in. If you are cool with this, great, but if you really like this woman and want this to go further, I’m afraid you might need to get those thoughts out of your head. She will be constantly comparing you to her ex and there is no chance you will be able to live up to him while she is still pining for him. Step back and give her space. Let her know you think she needs to concentrate on herself, and if she thinks she would like to give things a try with you again, do so when she is fully over her ex. This is a fair compromise that should mean neither of you ends up getting hurt too much in the long run.
11. Lack of Compliments
She doesn’t have to be telling you how great you are on the daily, but the occasional compliment never hurt anyone. If you find she never gives you anything, be it a pat on the back for winning an award at work or telling you the new shirt you have on looks great, this is a warning sign she doesn’t want a relationship with you.
What’s even worse is if she compliments you but in a passive-aggressive way. If she truly wants to make things work she will be happy to heap praise on you and make you feel good. If there is none of this in your current situation you have to questions how into you she really is.
12. She has No Interest in Meeting Your Family or Friends
This is a big red flag. If she wants a committed relationship with you she will be excited to meet your family and friends. They are obviously a big part of your life and letting her meet them and get to know them is a huge deal. If your lady shows no signs of wanting to meet them or does her best to make up excuses not to see them, she more likely than not does not see the two of you go any further than your current situationship.
Talking with The Narcissist Life medical reviewer and addiction advocate Ray Sadoum said, “when someone is proud of their partner and sees their relationship continuing, they tend to want their partner to get along with their family and friends.”
So if your lady friend shows no intent in making this happen and is happy keeping her distance, this is another sign she doesn’t want to get serious with you.
13. You Aren’t a Priority in Her Life
Ask yourself if you think you are the most important thing in her life besides family and friends. If the answer is no, then it is time to reconsider the relationship. If she loves you and wants to be with you she will make you top of her list and try and involve you in everything she does. This also relates to communication. If she is keen she will return your texts or calls promptly. If she feels indifferent about your role in her life she won’t be in any rush to get back to you and might not even return your call.
Talking with Elite Daily, licensed clinical social worker Dr. Danielle Forshee said, “If they tell you they are going to call you and never call you, if they make plans with you and cancel and have chronic excuses,” then they probably don’t see you as ‘the one.'”
This is a good summary of a partner who isn’t that keen on you and doesn’t prioritize you in their life.
14. They Are Leading You On
Often known as breadcrumbing, this is a new way to say someone is leading you on. “Breadcrumbing means he’s leading you on by feeding crumbs of affection that never lead to anything,” relationship expert Tracey Cox wrote in an article for Daily Mail. “This is the guy who pops up on social media telling you how hot you are; he likes all of your posts, pops up to ask how your day is going, (if you’re lucky) he’ll even phone now and then. But that’s as far as it goes.”
If you experience this you will probably feel like shit and know that whatever the relationship is, it isn’t going to go where you want it to.
Conclusion
As you can see, there are a lot of red flags and warning signs that your current lover might not be that keen on you. While it can be hard, the only way you can know for sure is by chatting to your partner about how they feel and what they want from your relationship. If they are willing to give things a proper go, awesome, if not, it is best you end things and go your separate ways so you can find someone who values you for you.