Is there anything better than the Catalina Wine Mixer? Not really, except for these hilarious Step Brothers quotes that will have you doubled over with laughter. One of the great comedies of the past two decades, Step Brothers comes from the minds of funnyman Will Ferrell and director Adam McKay.
Also starring Ferrell, the movie revolves around two adult losers who still live at home with their divorced parents. Ferrell is Brennan Huff, a 39-year-old unemployed man with the voice of an angel who lives with his mom Nancy (Mary Steenburgen). John C. Reilly is Dale Doback, a 40-year-old who is also unemployed and a lover of John Stamos who resides with his widowed father Robert (Richard Jenkins).
When Nancy and Robert fall in love and decide to move in together, Brennan and Dale wage war on one another before realizing they have more in common than they first thought. Becoming best friends, the duo causes havoc together, eventually resulting in the breakup of Nancy and Robert’s relationship. This causes Brennan and Dale to take responsibility and act as adults, getting jobs and working as a team to bring their parents back together.
Step Brothers is one of those films where the laughs never stop coming. Almost every piece of dialogue uttered by Brennan and Dale is quotable, with the movie part of the 00s comedy film Hall of Fame alongside the likes of Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, The Hangover, Superbad, Napoleon Dynamite, and Wedding Crashers. Not only is it funny, but the ensemble cast is terrific and features the talents of Adam Scott, Kathryn Hahn, Rob Riggle, Ken Jeong, and Seth Rogen.
With Step Brothers turning 15 this year, we thought there was no better time than now to celebrate Prestige Worldwide with this collection of the funniest quotes from the movie. “Did we just become best friends?” We think so!
1. Dale Doback: “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.” Brennan Huff: “You have to call me Nighthawk.”
2. “Dane Cook, pay per view, 20 minutes, let’s go!” – Derek Huff
3. “This is going to sound weird but, for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.” – Dale Doback
4. “God, you’re gonna make me cry. What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?” – Brennan Huff
5. “One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.” – Dale Doback
6. “My mom is being eaten by a dog and there’s nothing I can do!” – Brennan Huff
7. “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” – Dale Doback
8. Dale Dobackl: “Why are you so sweaty?” Brennan Huff: “I was watching Cops.”
9. “That’s so funny, the last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.” – Dale Doback
10. “Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled ‘rape’ at the top of your lungs.” – Nancy Huff
11. “Dad, what are you going? It’s Shark Week.” – Dale Doback
12. Brenana Huff: “I still hate you, but you have a pretty good collection of nudie magazines.” Dale Doback: “Yeah, I got ’em from the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s. It’s like masturbating in a time machine.”
13. “I’m fucking miserable. I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.” – Dale Doback
14. “I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my vagina.” – Alice Huff
15. “You know what gets my dick hard? Helping out my friends.” – Derek Huff
16. “Dad, I’m doing this because I love you. Fuck you.” – Dale Doback
17. “I traveled 500 miles to give you my seed!” – Brennan Huff
18. “Flat. It’s so flat, I can’t even… I don’t even know.” – Derek Huff
19. “I feel like a lightning bolt hit the tip of my penis!” – Brennan Huff
20. “You should have never let us make bunk beds! It was a terrible idea! There’s blood everywhere! Dad, Nancy, it’s so bad. There’s blood everywhere. Those bunk beds were a terrible idea. Why’d you let us do that? It’s so bad!” – Dale Doback
21. “Robert better not get in my face… ‘Cause I’ll drop that motherfucker!” – Brennan Huff
22. “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.” – Dale Doback
23. “So many activities!” – Brennan Huff
24. “You don’t even look good when you’re singing.” – Derek Huff
25. “When you fall asleep, I’m gonna punch you square in the face.” – Brennan Huff
26. “Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one. Go!” – Dale Doback
27. “Maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” – Brennan Huff
28. “I know that you are technically married now, but that does not mean that they have to live here.” – Dale Doback
29. “Listen, gang, don’t be mad at Dale for ruining the story… and possibly the evening.” – Derek Huff
30. “You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother! She’s a saint!” – Brennan Huff
31. “I would follow you into the Mists Of Avalon if that’s what you mean.” – Dale Doback
32. “I’m not gonna call him dad, not even if there’s a fire.” – Brennan Huff
33. “Get your shit, we’re going to my room.” – Derek Huff
34. “I’m gonna fill a pillowcase full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!” – Brennan Huff
35. “When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short, and I roamed the backyard. I chased the neighborhood cats; I growled, and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And one day, my dad said, ‘Bobby, you’re 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside,’ and I said, ‘OK, Pop.’ But he didn’t really say that. He said, ‘Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job.’” – Robert Doback
36. Brennan: “Do you wanna go do karate in the garage?” Dale: “Yup.”
37. “Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I’m looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, ‘Oh, my God, I’ve had the old bull, now I want the young calf,’ and she grabs me by the wiener.” – Dale Doback
38. “Boats ‘N’ Hoes, Boats ‘N’ Hoes.” – Brennan Huff and Dale Doback
39. “This house is a fucking prison!” – Brennan Huff
40. “Dad, we’re men, OK? That means a few things. We like to shit with the door open. We talk about pussy. We go on riverboat-gambling trips. We make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do. And now that is all wrecked.” – Dale Doback
41. “Did we just become best friends?” – Brennan Huff
42. “OK, on the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it; just do it. One, two, three.” – Dale Doback
43. “You’re embarrassing yourself, you geriatric fuck!” – Brennan Huff
44. “I’m not great at this Hallmark stuff, but Brennan, when I look at you now, I don’t want to kick you in the head quite as much.” – Derek Huff
45. “You’re not a doctor. You’re a big fat curly-headed fuck.” – Brennan Huff
46. “I’m not great at this Hallmark stuff, but Brennan, when I look at you now, I don’t want to kick you in the head quite as much.” – Derek Doback
47. “Hey Derek, you know what’s always good for shoulder pain? If you lick my butthole.” – Brennan Huff
48. “I work at a college as a janitor, even though I feel brighter than most people who go there. Sometimes, I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and… I just figured it out.” – Dale Doback
49. “I thought that I was going to be r*ped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes, and at one point, he said, let us get it on. – Brennan Huff
50. “Alright, that is it! You guys leave me no choice! No television for a whole week!” – Robert Doback
51. “If you’re referring to me as b**t buddy, then yes, I do have a name: and it’s Brennan Huff.” – Brennan Read
52. “I swear, I’m so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she’s of age, I’m putting her in a home.” – Dale Doback
53. “I’ve been called the songbird of my generation by people who have heard me.” – Brennan Huff
54. “I pleasured myself this evening to the image of you punching my husband.” – Alice Huff
55. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!” – Brennan Huff
56. “Brennan, Denise called, and she said she couldn’t spend New Year’s Eve with you because she’s not your girlfriend. She’s your therapist.” – Nancy Huff
57. “I got a belly full of white dog cr*p in me, and now you lay this sh** on me?!” – Brennan Huff
58. “Is that onions? Onions…and onions and ketchup. It stinks. And this is a small room.” – Manager
59. “Last week, I put liquid paper on a bee… and it died.” – Brennan Huff
60. “I’m warning you. If you touch my drums, I will stab you in the neck with a knife.” – Dale Doback
61. “I remember my first beer.” – Brennan Huff
62. “You’re wearing tuxedos to a job that requires you to clean bathrooms.” – Manger
63. “I was faking. I used ninja focus to slow my heart rate down.” – Brennan Huff
64. “Pow!” – Randy
65. “You mess with my nut, Randy here is gonna eat your dick.” – Derek Huff
66. “I’ll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.” – Brennan Huff
67. Dale Doback: “Why do you have Randy Jackson’s autograph on a martial arts weapon?” Brennan Huff: “’Cause I bumped into him and all I had on me was this samurai sword. And you’re not gonna not get Randy Jackson’s autograph, right?” Dale Doback: “I would’ve done the exact same thing.”
68. “You’ve actually seen him eating a man’s penis?” – Brennan Huff
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