First of all, we’re sorry to hear about your bad breakup. Second of all, and on the more positive side, it means that you’re one step closer to finding your soul mate. But diving back into dating can be overwhelming, and a tad scary, if being in a relationship is what you’re used to. Although, at one point in your life, it was the relationship that took some getting used to. So, if you follow these top tips on how to start dating again after a bad breakup, you’ll learn to adjust and feel at home once more.
Tidy Up Your Appearance
It’s not uncommon for those in relationships to get lazy with their appearance, so if the only six-pack you have now is a pack of beer in the fridge, you’re not the only one. One of the first things you should do before you start dating after a breakup is to tidy up your appearance. This includes everything from dusting the cobwebs off your gym bag to visiting the barber. The dating world will have many more fresh, attractive singletons on top of their game since you were last single, so it’s time to look the part and fit right in.
While looks aren’t everything, or so we try to convince ourselves of anyway, there does need to be some level of sexual attraction between you and your date to land a second one. And if you haven’t been looking after yourself, trust me when I say she’ll notice. Nothing gets past us. Even the most handsome man will go home alone if he can’t remember what the inside of a barber looks like.
Immediately after a breakup, we can lose confidence, which can be boosted by improving our appearance – when you look good, you feel good. This will help you have more successful dates after a breakup, leading to even more confidence. And who doesn’t find a confident date attractive?
Leave the Breakup Speech Out of It, Unless Prompted
No woman wants to hear about how hard your breakup was. If you mention your breakup before she does, she’ll most likely think you’re not over them. I mean, you’re on a date with someone new and all you can think about is bringing up your ex? Red flag. Definitely.
However, if she happens to ask what happened in your last relationship, it’s perfectly fine to answer. If you don’t and act all weird and sketchy instead, she may begin to think you’re actually still in a relationship (not unheard of these days). Women are curious creatures, more often than not she’ll probably ask what went down with your ex at some point, as the reason why you split could be a deal-breaker for her too. So, make sure you’re able to answer the question without getting angry, crying, or both because if you can’t, it’s a sure sign you’re not ready to date yet.
Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
Being in a long-term relationship can cause you to live in your comfort zone unless you were both extreme thrill-seekers of course. But generally, you get into habits and routines that feel comfortable, and the thought of changing them and wreaking havoc while they were still around was unimaginable, especially if you were happy together.
The comfort zone does come with its perks as no one wants to be uncomfortable all the time, but there are times where being just the right amount of uncomfortable is a good thing. You become curious enough to try new things you never would have if you were comfortable. It’s important to remember that the only reason why you were able to become comfortable in your routine was that you tried something new in the first place.
Dating can help you break free from your old ways and bring freshness into your life. Every date is a new chance to reinvent yourself until you find a version of yourself you like just as much as your date. Experiment and have fun with it!
Don’t Go on a Date for the Sake of Going for a Date
Maybe you and your ex had a date night every Wednesday evening, and now you don’t have a scheduled date, it might be tempting to find a feel-good filler to take your mind off it. If you’re not walking into a date with an open mind and willing to explore whether there’s a connection that can take you past one night, you shouldn’t be going.
Don’t listen to all your friends saying that you need to start dating after your breakup if you’re not interested in meeting someone new. You’ll not only be wasting her time but yours as well. If the guys are trying to get you out of the house, go on a lad’s night out instead. If you’re lucky, you might even meet a woman you want to take on a date while you’re there.
Or you might be on the other end of the scale and going on so many dates that you can’t remember who’s who. Going on more dates than you can count after a breakup with women you’re only kinda into will take the fun out of dating. You’ll get bored of dating and take yourself out of the game and close yourself off to the idea. Then when a woman who’s perfect for you approaches you, you’ll shut her down and you’ll never know how much you two would’ve hit it off.
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Get To Know Yourself As Well as Your Dates
After a breakup, many people discover that they lost themselves in the relationship and have walked away as a completely different person that they no longer recognize. Sometimes for better and sometimes for worse, but since you’re not tied to vows, or at least anymore, you can take this opportunity to understand what you truly want in a relationship and go after it.
What you desired at the beginning of your last relationship most likely isn’t what you want now, especially since you weren’t a match and broke up. Dating after a breakup gives you a chance to discover what it is you really want from a relationship. Maybe you were always the guy who waited three days to text after a first date. But after having a partner who was emotionally unavailable, you want someone to communicate their feelings clearly with you, and now find yourself messaging an hour later to say you enjoyed the date and want to go out again.
Don’t Start Dating Until You’re Ready
I’m sure you’ve heard of that saying, “to get over someone, you need to get under someone,” but it’s nothing more than a temporary fix. While it may feel good, maybe even really good in the moment, once it’s over you’ll feel worse than you did before.
Starting to date before you’re ready can lead to a number of unsuccessful dates, which can hugely bruise your ego as you’re still vulnerable. You’ll begin to spiral and think it’s impossible to find love again, but to find it, or have it find you, you need to be open to the idea of love. Closing yourself off can delay the healing process and push meeting your person even further away.
The only way to truly get over someone is to wait it out and deal with your emotions. Women tend to get over an ex a lot quicker than men because for the next month in their calendar they have a date with Ben & Jerry in front of the TV. They give themselves a free pass to feel whatever they need to. Whereas men, on the other hand, are busy doing everything they couldn’t do in a relationship. Eventually, the novelty wears off and they’re forced to deal with their emotions when their ex is already healed and dating someone new, which hurts even more to know you’re now the only one hurting. So do yourself a favor and give yourself a chance to heal before jumping into dating again.
Take It Slow
Being in a relationship is so natural for some men, they’re real “relationship-type guys” and rarely ever find themselves single for too long. If this sounds like you, it’s time to slow things down and avoid rushing into a new relationship after a breakup. If she hears that your record time of being single is a month, it’ll raise questions from your date like “do you have trouble being alone?” or “do you just catch feelings for anyone?” only the brave women will ask, but you can bet most of them are thinking these things.
No woman likes a needy man. Women have lives of their own and they don’t want the relationship to become all-consuming. Jumping from relationship to relationship can be a sign of being uncomfortable in your own company which can ruin a relationship. Those who can’t be alone put too much pressure on the relationship and can be emotionally draining for the other person when they’re constantly asking for attention and/or reassurance.
They also want to feel special, like you chose them. But if you’re constantly falling for new women, it doesn’t seem like so much of an honor. She may also think that it’s only a matter of time until you’re obsessing over someone new. Many women won’t pursue a man unless she knows she’s onto something long-term, and if you’re always falling in and out of love, she may struggle to believe you’re capable of staying in love.
But let’s say you are, and you’ve met a woman who has turned your world upside down, entering a new relationship before you’re ready, just like dating, can cause it to be short-lived. So if you’re seriously crushing on her, take it down a notch and enjoy the journey. This way, it’s more likely to be sustainable as you get to know each other better. And, you know, actually date after a breakup!
Don’t Relate Everything Back to Your Ex
If you’ve been in a relationship for a super long time, you’ll have many memories and inside jokes that’ll take you a while to forget, but whilst you’re on a date after a breakup, don’t mention any of them. There’s nothing worse than sitting opposite someone who can’t stop drooling over their ex and bringing every single topic back to them. No one should have to suffer through this.
Maybe your date’s telling you about how she’s just got back from a business trip to Paris and you and your ex had a tradition of celebrating every anniversary there. Granted, this is going to be pretty hard to forget, but you don’t need to tell your date how you spent your anniversaries in Paris. You can take an interest and say you’ve been there, since you don’t want to pretend you haven’t then she catches you in a lie, but there’s no need to mention who with. Unless she asks, obviously, but leave it at that.
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